so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
