Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
