Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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