Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
