I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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