i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
