P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
