When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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