based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
