Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
