You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
