he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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