I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
