Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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