Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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