I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
