My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
