Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
