You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
