hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
