R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
