Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
