Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
