I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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