When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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