Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
