She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
