I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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