So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
