I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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