I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
