I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
