you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
