The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
