I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
