Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize