the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am naked and annoyed.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
