I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
