my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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