there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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