it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
