Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am available for nakedness
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize