Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Umm I'm too high to move.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
