The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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