you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
