I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Alive.
So much puke
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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