marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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