I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
