It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
