with your own penis?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize