I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pants are for mortals
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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