I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
