it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we made out on top of his cat.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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