I wish you could order shots online.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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