Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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