I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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