We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
