Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
