Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize