Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize