I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
