There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
