Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
