On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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