There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
